Tears from a Stranger

I see this same women, day after day at the park when I come to drop off D'Angelo & Adalina at the Parks & Rec - After School Program.  This mom is a reflection of who I was a few short years ago: frantically coping with her perseverating autistic child in public, no time to look up, worry and sadness on her face, but a determination that is unwaving...this is a MOTHER OF AN AUTISTIC CHILD. It is uncanny, I can spot 'em a mile away, as if I'm looking at my past and my present all in the looking glass. It is surreal, really. Like being in an Autism Matrix of sorts. I've wanted to reach out to her, to tell her she's not alone, but who am I to approach a stranger, a mother with her child, assuming he has autism - what if he doesn't, I ask myself?  As if I am trying to kid myself!  Of course he has autism, it's clear. I still hesitate, week after week I see them there on the playground, and week after week, I don't approach. What's my friggin deal?!, I ask myself.  So, Divine Guidance decides for me. I walk onto the playground, smack dab next to her today, and we start small talk. And as if God was saying "Leanna, you needed my help to be guided to her, here you go...", she opens up her mouth and says without hesitation, "my son as autism". I about nearly fell off the park bench. I have never had a mother tell me within a couple minutes of meeting me that their child has autism. "Ok, God, I get it, I see you want me to help her!  Thank you!"  Small talk continues, I share with her that D'Angelo and Adalina have been diagnosed and they were once where he son is now: a state of inconsolable obsession with something he has been told he cannot have, and his tantrums overpower the playground.  I proceed to ask her questions, and share with her my own experiences with Early Intervention and how it helped our little ones function in public, and she is clearly lost in the confusion of the maze of this disorder and all that she has to do to seek help for little Andrew. I tell her that I am here to help her, that I also serve on the Board of Autism in Long Beach, and she begins to cry. A cry only a fellow mother of a child with autism can understand. You see, it's the type of desperation cry us special needs parents seem to display, where our eyes seek help, seek an answer, seek a way out of this unforeseen hell of a circumstance we have unwillingly been thrust upon.  It's a desperation cry, through a look of exhaustion. It's a look I know well, a cry I have cried many a time.  I instantly and instinctually pull this woman, this stranger to me, hugging her, holding her heart close to mine, as if in silence to tell her everything will be ok, I promise.  She looks at me, as if God had placed an Angel in her path, she expresses such. "Let's talk more", I share over Andrew's tantrum screams, "when you get home, and you have a moment to think." She greatfully agrees, asks me for my number, and then my name. At the moment I give her my name, she looks up in amazement, and smiles and says, "my name is LeAnn". "ha, I'm Leanna", I reconfirm. And we chuckle in that "ah ha moment" sort of way.  Ok God, we get it!   Just as I'm about to leave, her son Andrew walks straight up to me, (mind you, he has been tantruming non-stop since we've been there), I bend down to him, he huddles under me like a little lost lamb, puts his arms around me and silently says a non-verbal four year old autistic 'thank you', with purely his energy.LeAnn gasped at the sight, and exclaimed, "oh my gosh, that was amazing". 
Use me God, for I will help whomever, whenever you see fit for me to do so!  God is SO good!

Kindergarten Lunch Segregation - Who's Bullying Now?

And I observed D’Angelo today is his classroom setting and walked with him to the cafeteria. We were doing fine until he headed to sit down, and bypassed his class and sat at the end table, but himself, back to the rest of the cafeteria (see photos above). I had seen him do this before when I picked him up from school a couple months ago, but now his behavior displayed 'routine', as he is was told to sit there, day after day. I trusted his aides, to keep him socializing, NOT to have him sit by himself day after day in the lunchroom, his back to his peers, as if he was being punished. He was conditioned to think it was normal now. I was in shock, and even typing this now – I am beyond hurt. This is exactly why writing my memoir "The Year Autism Kidnapped Me" has taken over two years, because every time I write, I’m brought back to a pain, a mirror to my life, to the instability in the everyday emotions that ensues. Should I trust the teachers, or if I speak up, will I be the “over-zealous” parent who always causes trouble. I don’t want to be “that” person, but I fear I might. It’s times like these that teach us. Teach us how to become empowered. You see, it is one day before the end of the school year, and just now did I decided and take the time to schedule to go observe him in the classroom. And an email ensues (all names have been changed)… Date: June 15, 2012 Re: IBI services From: Ms. ABC To: lana, lrodgers, mary Good Morning Mrs. Rodgers, Lana and Mary, I spoke with you, Mrs. Rodgers, this morning and you expressed concern about D'Angelo being removed from the group during lunch and put at a table by himself. I did not know that my aide was using punishment and had reminded her to use the proactive strategies that we have in place; there is a seating chart for the lunch table AND we have crayons and books for D'Angelo to use when he is done eating. I want the ESY team to be aware of your concerns Mrs. Rodgers, and to know that there are positive strategies in place that DO work for D'Angelo during lunch time (seating chart and preferred items-books and crayons) Mrs. Rodgers, you asked that we hold an IEP addendum to increase IBI services, however; at this time D'Angelo's services reflect his least restrictive environment,and I don't recommend increasing his IBI services to compensate for one adult's bad choice of consequences. With the preferred seating and preferred items (books/crayons) D'Angelo exhibits appropriate behaviors during lunch time. Mary and Lana, you two can look at the structure of the ESY day and decide when his IBI services should be implemented. And I'm sure the aides will be told (reminded if they are the same ones that I have in the classroom) to implement these strategies. I hope ESY is successful for all of you. And wish you all a happy summer. Thanks, Ms. ABC [Reply to all] Email: June 15, 2012 Re: IBI services From: Ms. ABC To: msabc, lana, mary Thank you for the detailed outline, Ms. ABC. I know you have D'Angelo's learning and care in your best interest as has always been evident, and I do agree that one aides bad choice (without your approval nor knowledge) in consequence for D'Angelo is in no way reflective of how you operate your positive and proactive approach to his Learning and Education. Do not be surprised if I take this to Administration, as they should have never left you for one day without a replacement aide, so proper coverage could be continued. In the future, I would like to request that if something is observed from one of the aides in their approach towards D'Angelo (no matter how minut) that it is brought to my attention and/or Ms ABC's attention (or the ESY teacher this summer). I trust Ms. ABC as my extension when D'Angelo is out of my direct supervision. This will ensure this never happens again, because as a mother to witness this on the last two days of school was devastating to me. I am still shaken up by it, even so much as to try and hold back my tears while in the cafeteria yesterday. I agree with Ms. ABC: Mary and Lana, please do advise on how best to split D'Angelo's IBI services for ESY and to remind the aides where necessary. From my heart, I appreciate everyones care for D'Angelo. It does not go unnoticed. Kind Regards and Thank You, -) Leanna This is my teacher, my lesson. To listen to my gut and show up sooner, become more involved, not just trust that things are going as I think they are. To observe, to speak up, to hold others accountable for what they are teaching our children. I think because I am “just the parent”, that they “must know” more about teaching my child, then I do. Let me tell you, when motherly instinct comes into the equation, that is all the teacher I need. And when it comes to these two children – they teach me more than I can handle – 80% of the time. I’m taught to love, when all I want to do is ring their necks. I’m taught to be patient, when I want to rush through the moment. I’m taught to use my imagination, when I just want to cut to the chase. I’m taught to relax, when all I want to do it let my ego stay untight. I’m taught to remain fluid to the situations at hand, when I just want to become a lump of coal. D’Angelo and Adalina, and any child on the autism spectrum, teach us to be accepting, to love, to support, to understand, to open our eyes, to protect, and to know that through the challenges - it is the best teacher. Synopsis: I’ve been a little (no, A LOT!) ticked off – hurt, angry. Even through this pain, I feel empowered, as though God had it in his plan all along. When does the hurt and anger turn to resolve for you, and do you see it as a part of the bigger plan for you and your life?

Preview of Kidnapped, Eyes Wide Open

A dear friend, Vanessa, came for a visit tonight. Amidst our chat of her upcoming tour to Peru, I'm looking up my book to maybe share a chapter with her, she says "how's your book coming?". Inside, I thought...well, this is divinely guided, for sure. So I opened my mouth and started reading away to her. By the end of the chapter, she gazed at me in amazement - Eyes Wide Open, and my reaction was amazement as well. She was intrigued, I wrote what she didn't expect from me. I moved her and it was a glimpse into my readers eyes (as if I was a foreshadowing fly on the wall of every home my book is going to reach - far and wide). I saw my future, this character "Author Leanna Rodgers", was sitting here, sharing secrets, of a memoir. It was a mirror being held up in front of me. What a blessing this moment was, to give her an earful, my heart through my writing, for she is the first person I have dared to share and read portions of my book to, and ask her opinion of what she heard. For this, I am greatful! And now off to the Literary Agents.

Leveraging Your Network Event

I am co-producing a special speaker event and workshop: Leveraging Your Network. There many ways to leverage your network. Join me, as I share my insider tips and trends that have proven to work. CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS (register early $10 before May 15th!)

my article "The Year Autism Kidnapped Me" featured on the COVER of Mom's Advice Magazine, including a two-page spread inside. Such a blessing!

It Takes A Village - help a Mother Out, Already!

Your Kids Have Autism?...Really?

This question has come up in more than one conversation recently, so maybe it's time to chat about it.  When you look at our two little ones, at first encounter, one doesn't think they have observed anything out of the ordinary. They say, "oh, I just thought they were shy (or bad mannered, if they're having a bad day or hour or minute, what have you).  I have gotten into unexpected verbal altercations with other moms at the park or in the supermarket (more on that 'episode' later...ha!), because of this misjudgement by the public, at large.  This is probably much more difficult to navigate, as a mother dealing with public interaction with our children, then say, a child that is clearly disabled, what have you, all because, we, as humans, go on 'first impressions'.  When we don't visually see anything that shows a child is 'special needs', then we just assume that the parents have not taught the child manners or something of that nature. It's up to us, as a society to be open, and tolerant to all situations, especially in children.  I have embraced the misconceptions, by others, and it's my job to share, to relate, to educate and pass on what I have learned myself.  It's a big job, and I take it fully to heart, because I never know what I have opened up my heart to share, will have an impact on someone in the future, that I may never meet.